Weird Dreams, Mama

So I had a weird dream last night that I wanted to share.

So I was sitting on the computer typing a paper when the FBI busts in and shows me a judge signed search warrent. Apperently they find things on my computer that lead them to think I have been involved in hacking into specific government websites. I get arrested and thrown in a holding cell. At this point, my name is dragged through the mud in the media. My family disown me, my girlfriend leaves me, and all my friends turn their back on me, not wanting anythign more to do with me.

Then, my Master's degree is taken away, along with my Bachelor's, and I am kicked out of my doctorate program. So i am penniless, friendless, and sitting in a holding cell. The FBI grills me for hours and I keep telling them that I am innocent and that I did not do anything wrong. They laugh at me and just walk away. Just as I am begining to lose hope, A shadowy figure appears in the doorway and tells me that he believes me and that he wants to help me.

He hands me a cell phone and gives me directions to get out of the holding cell, and into the alley. As I get into the alley, somethign hits my head and everything goes black. I wake up in a place I don't recognize. The shadowly figure now gets closer and I can see him closely. He tells me he believes me that I didn't commit any crimes. He even tells me he knows I didn't, becuase he planted the evidence on my computer.

He tells me that the reason he did it was becuase he needed me for a secret covert operation. One that required my complelte accecptance. He told me that if I chose not to help him, he would kill my family, my girlfriend, my friends, and make sure i never leave jail. I aksed him what the job was and he slowly started to explain it to me.

My job was to take a package to a certain individual in another part of the city. I would have to convince this person to trade package and then sell me a second one that i had no clue what was in it. I would then have to take this package to ta third person who would give me further instructions. He said I must complete every task, BY ANY MEANS NECCESARY.

I set out, and the first task was easy enough. I easily traded unmarked brown boxes with him, but convincing him to sell me the second package was near impossible. I tried to be nice, mean, and rude and nothing worked. Finally i started to walk out, and then turned around and tackled him to the ground. I started beating him with my fists until he just gave me the package i needed. I quickly got out of there and went to meet the second guy.

The second guy was located in this labyrinth type area. I kept walking around looking for this guy. I walked all over looking for this guy and never found him. I went back to where The Shadowy figure was and he told me the plans had changed. He opened his computer terminal and then erased the warrents on me, erased the charges, and then called the universities to have my degrees returned.

He told me to leave and eveything would return to the way things were before. As I left he opened the package and I saw what it was for the first time. It seemed to be a type of crudly devised carpet bomb. He laughed when he saw my look of shock and said i could tell anyone I wanted, but the fact is nobody would believe me in time. He told me that this particualar bomb was set and was ready to be detonated in about 5 minutes and nobody would be able to stop him. He laughed at me and my predicament.

As he worked on the bomb, I grabbed a handgun on the table next to him. I pointed it at him and told him to stop or I would shoot him. He looked over at me and laughed. He told me i didnt have the guts to shoot him and that I was not a killer. He continued to whistle as he put the final touches on his bomb. The unfortunate thing was, he was right, I had never killed anyone, and I hoped I would never have to. I was not a man that killed and he knew it. But then I thought of all the innocent people that would die if he succeded. I raised my gun, took aim...

And then woke up.

Strange Dreams indeed mama, strange dreams.

Feeling Frustrated

So on friday I was really feeling frustrated. It was one of those days that just didn't start out to well. I woke up in the morning and I just didn't feel like myself. It was a feeling like I was a little low, and just not at my normal levels.

So I go to my internship at the Youth Corrections Facility and try to get into my email to see what has happened since my last work day there. Of ocurse I get the problem that my login is malfunctioning...again. This has happened almost every day I have been there this year, its a really irriataitng process becuase I have to call up IT and have them constantly reset my password(which I then have to reset) and I have burned through about 10 of them already.

So from there I try to enter one of my clinical notes(we write one for a group of individual session) into the database and of course my password is not working there either. Back on the phone with IT tells me that they cant do anything but they will let a higher up know there is a problem. So at this point I decide to go do an individual session.

Individual session goes fine, nothing to say. I have a couple more and then a family session, and then have some lunch.

I type up all of these and save them on my own personal drive for later.
At this point it is time for the weekly DBT meeting and the direcotr of the program asks me which skill I was going to present that day. I looked at her dumbfounded and said that it wasnt my presentation day. She looked at the schedule and agreed with me, then looked around the room. The person who was supposed to present was at a meeting. The other 4 people had already made presentations so she basically threw it on me. So I had to quickly figure somethign out with the 10 minutes I had. I fumbled through it(not being prepared will do that to you) and was glad when it was over.

At this point I then went to prepare for my group which I was leading on Violent Offense. And that was where things really came unglued.

This was the fifth week that my group was going to run, and for 3 of the previous 4 I had to cover another group becuase that group leader was not scheduled for that day(long story). So this week I was rarin to go. I was ready, that other group leader was on site and I was ready to do a kickass group. Group typically starts at 4 so I was where i needed to be at 345 so I would be able to start precsily at 4.

At 4:05(things got started late) I am told that the other group leader would not be able to lead his group becuase he was on the "jail side" and not the "psych side" of the facility. So yet again, I get stuck with his group. At this point I was absolutly pissed, frustrated, etc. This was the fourth time in 5 weeks I had to cover his group and I just cannot keep doing that. I cannot run my group well if I have to also run a second group. I cannot combine the two groups as it complelty screws up group dynamics. The kids in my group wont get much out of it if I cant run their group well, and the kids in the other group certainly wont get anything out of it if the leader is constantly changing. Plus I had no idea what those other kids were suppsoed to do.

I put a lot of pride into my group. I wrote a sylabus for it and I prepare for it and try to devise fun ways of teaching and facilitating the concepts I want to get acorss. i cannot do that when I am having to run 2 groups. This thing really sent me over the edge and I was absolutly fuming at this time.

I ended up having th two groups watch a video on violence and victims, and had them discuss it in small groups after, but I was certainly beside myself. I ended my calling up Miss E in Chicago (a close friend who I call when I need to talk to someone) and she was able to help me calm down. On sunday I ended up calling her back and thanking her for helping me out, and this time she had had a bad evening and needed to talk, so I respirocated. It is great to have someone in your life like that.